I won't say I love you
by KatAztropheE-d'-nutCasE
Summary: America hates England to the boot. Then he found out about England's current situation. England is currently in a lot of trouble but America refuses to help. Will he soften up and help his poor former brother or will he let England suffer? WARNING! TEARJERKER ALERT! PROCEED WITH CARE! XC. Rated K for the swear words.


_**Can't sleep until I type my story in. Hahahaha, I actually cried when I was typing this and my keyboard is wet with tears. My mom gave me a weird look when she saw me crying over it. Must've thought I was a weirdo...anyways, don't forget to comment! =D **_

_**Mabuhay!**_

"I want my Independence, England".

I bluntly stated, every word stung him even if his face revealed nothing. Rain was pouring down like crazy and I can barely see his face. The only thing I could see were his eyes, those magical eyes that I loved when he looks at me. Those eyes that gave me warmth and love even as I grew old now filled with despair and anger.

"I won't allow it!", he retorted.

He lunged at me, lightning speed with his gun's blade before him. When he got nearer, I swore I saw it again. Those brotherly loving eyes shining, erasing all the hatred he had before. He lowered his aim, aiming my rifle on purpose. I was shocked. He never missed a target before, away or up close. Before me, he broke down, looking at me while he's on his knees, "Why America?". I couldn't see his face, but his voice informed me that he was crying.

France, Spain and Prussia stood silently under the pouring rain, shocked by the scene they've encountered. It was the first time show me his weakness; his tears. Never have he cried over physical pain or any other pain. But this...

"I have dreams. I want them to come true. If I stay by your rule forever, I won't be able to achieve those. I have to defeat you!", I managed to say, breaking the shock from myself.

He looked up to me, his beautiful emerald eyes that I adored so much were stained with tears. My heart clenched painfully that I was having a hard time maintaining my neutral face. I pointed the nuzzle of my gun at his forehead, trembling slightly, "Surrender now". He shut his eyes tightly, tears flowed freely to his cheeks.

"Then kill me. The British Empire doesn't surrender".

His voice was eerily calm, despite the fact that I was pointing a gun on his head. My eyes widened in fear. I can't shoot him. I will never do that to someone I care about. This guy, is so stubborn. I dropped my weapon and walked past him in the mud, "Consider this my victory, England". I walked away, not even turning back, feeling his eyes painfully looking at my back.

"You...are no longer my big brother", I icily added.

We never talked since then, except when he's countering me in my ideas. I never made long eye contacts with him, and I never invited him to any of my parties and social gatherings. We only talk when it's necessary and never sat with each other.

"I object".

"Damn it England! Don't be such a pussy and let go of the past! Don't hold grudges over it and stop using it to wreck my great ideas!", I fumed at him.

"It's not my fault that you have such childish ideas that they're close to nonsense".

"Oh really? Whose fault was that? You raised me, remember? I hate you! That's why I shouldn't have chosen you! I never should've met you! I wished you never existed at all!", I rampaged, words rolled out of control.

The usual chitchat was ceased and everyone was looking at me with shocked eyes. England held his teacup midair, shocked of the words he heard. He gave me another stare, a stormy gaze but held his composure. His hands shook a bit as he placed the cup back in the table, gathered his things and silently walked out. France gave me a disappointed look as he chased England. The meeting ended after that.

Time passed and there wasn't any work related calls from England. He didn't go to the meetings after that. Days turned to months, months to years. I never showed remorse after all what I've said, I stood by it. I will never waiver from what I've said.

'_United Kingdom is in a state of calamity. 7.0 earthquake detected in London, England, killing two-hundred people and injured one thousand and five hundred people. Crimes increased in England by 25%, highest recorded in history. Tsunami recorded after 5.0 earthquake. Unknown disease spreads and kills forty people in Oxford, England. Tourism falls after the outbreak'._

News like these were everywhere, and France, Canada and Japan gave their support to him. I don't want to help him. My pride is far too important! I can't break down now! I have been this way for centuries. Much as I hate to admit it, I still think England is far stronger than me. He was once my everything and I don't want that to happen again. I won't help him.

One day, France visited me with a pained expression on his face. He looked like he was crying before he came to me, "America, we need to talk". Without saying a word, I let him in.

"England, is very sick. Japan, with the best medical technology amongst us, just declared that he won't last very long. America, England is going to die in a matter of days!" France broke down to crying, grasping me in both shoulders as if he couldn't stand by himself.

Hearing this, I don't know what to do. I can't decide whether I should just go there and help him restore his health or just...let him die. I don't know what to do. France grasped me rather too tightly, "America! Don't you feel sorry for him? How could you be that cold? After everything he went through for you! After all the wars he fought for you! After everything he lost just to keep you safe and happy! After all the scars he gained from battles that he still fought when it didn't involve him! You disappoint big brother!".

After that, he stormed off, slamming the door at my face. I was angry, I didn't ask all of that from him! Why am I going to pay for those? I was too angry that my head was beginning to hurt. I decided to take a little nap to soothe the pain from my headache.

"Engwand! You came to visit me!", I sang.

I jumped towards him and he'd catch me and swing me around, "Were you a good boy when I was away?". I nodded, a huge grin splitting in my face. He laughed his melodious laughter as he kissed me in the forehead, "I know you are, I have chocolate with me". I smiled and hugged him with all my might as he gave me a bunny shaped chocolate. I smeared it on my face as I ate it greedily, "Awll gwone", I spoke with my mouth still full.

He took a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped my face, "Silly boy, how I love you, won't you say you love me?". I gazed at his emerald eyes and shook my head, "No! If I say that, you're going to leave me!". England gave me a shocked gaze, "Why would you think that?". I bashfully answered him, "Because I heard that from my nanny saying it to her boyfriend, and he never came back. Nanny cried and cried and cried and cried. So to make sure you'll never leave me. I will never say I love you".

England raised a brow and hugged me tight, "Okay, but I love you America. I love you no matter what happens".

Then when I was older, I realized that nanny's boyfriend was a soldier who died in one of the wars.

I jerked awake, tears flowing from my eyes. I looked at my hands wet with tears. I have to see him! I have to go now! I don't want to waste another moment. I don't want to be there too late. England as a corpse, I can't even begin to imagine it!

I changed hastily, almost tripping over with my pants and shoes. I fought over a flight to London in such a late hour. I got a ticket, even paying as much to business class. I didn't care. How could I be so naive? England wasn't choking me up, he was merely taking care of me. He didn't want to take advantage of me, he wanted me to be more than him; stronger and wiser. My heart clenched as I held back my tears. Here I come, England.

As my plane landed, I got into another fight over a cab. It was like I was competing for the Amazing Race or something. "This address please, and step on it!". The taxi driver drove crazy fast and it began to pour. It was hard to see the road with this kind of weather. "Can't we get any faster?". The driver cursed and threw harsh words at me but I didn't care. I need to see England. Those beautiful green eyes of his, I wanted to see them right now.

It all happened so fast. The taxi flew as the truck hit us. The car was sent spinning and I was being thrown in the back like a lifeless doll. As the movement stopped, my sight began to darken as I lost consciousness.

I came to but couldn't see anything. "America", a voice very familiar to me echoed. "E...England?", I croaked. "Yes", he spoke as I felt his hands on mine. I felt his hands and they were bony thin, "I bet you look like shit". I heard him laugh, "For someone who just had surgery, you're the one to talk". His voice was weak and hushed. I wanted to see him, "Dammit! I want to remove this bandage over my eyes!". I felt his hands move, like a hand searching for something in the dark. After a couple of movements, he managed to find my cheeks, "You just had eye surgery and by tomorrow, Japan said you can remove them. Try to wait you impatient brat".

"Hmph! England, when I see you very thin and weak, I'll make you swallow a whole platter of my quarter pounder hamburgers!", I croaked again, resisting the urge to cry. He laughed his genuine laugh, "Then if I get better, I'll make you a tub full of scones". "I'll eat them all up!".

"I love you, America. Always have".

I was about to say something when I heard the door open and close. I assumed he left and I felt like ripping off this blasted bandages. I want to see his smiles! Especially those beautiful eyes of his! Begrudgingly, I forced myself to sleep, waiting for tomorrow.

"America, let's take those bandages off", Japan stated.

He took them off, slowly peeling it away from my sight. I saw things clearly now, even without Texas. I looked at Japan, and he looked like shit. His eyes were red and puffy, and his nose was just as red too. My heart skipped a beat, "Where's England's room?".

"I...uh...214, but-", Japan stuttered but I dashed out immediately. I ripped off the dextrose and ran for it, even though I was barefoot. I jumped out of the staircases, as if my butt was on fire. I had to see him immediately. It can't wait a second longer.

As I found his room, I burst in, didn't care if anyone got mad. Canada sat beside him, tears still falling from his eyes, France was holding England's bony hand as he cried endlessly. The other Allies and Axis are there too, and they all looked at me with sad eyes. "What's the matter? Why are you crying? He'll get better", I smiled but my heartbeat was thumping so fast that I thought it might burst out. I came to the feet of his bed. I saw how thin he is, his long lashes resting on his hollowed cheek, dark circles under his eyes, his lips chapped and on his right hand was a white handkerchief that I tried hard to sew for him. It was red with blood.

"Hey England! I'm here and boy you look like shit! I'm going to feed you for now on!", I pitched. But he remained unmoving when he would usually scold me when I shout. I moved closer, "Your eyebrows are waaaaay too thick", I laughed shakily, hoping that he'd get up and smack me in the head. He remained still. I moved closer, pushing back Canada, "England! Wake up! This isn't funny anymore! Hey! I thought you would make scones for me? I promise I won't throw them anymore", I shook him and he was icily cold. Tears fell uncontrollably from my eyes, "Wake up...I want to see your emerald eyes". I shook him and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Look at the mirror", France blandly stated, voice shaking from crying, and handed me a mirror.

Perplexed, I did and to my surprise, my eyes were...green. England's eyes! I cried harder, my heart shattering to a million bits. "England heard of your accident. Your eyes were ruined and he couldn't bear to see you blind. His last wish was to give you his eyes, as a proof of his love. He loved you so much till the end, America. As you were unconscious, he visited you, despite that he was coughing up mouthfuls of blood. He always visited you until the last time you talked".

I cried as I hugged his lifeless body, lighter than what it used to. His cold body on mine, getting really rigid. I spilled all of my tears on him, crying over regret, crying over my stupidity. Others gave me space as I did it, so now we're alone. I looked directly to his beautiful fragile face, "I love you, England! I love you big brother! I love you big brother! I hope...we will meet again". I looked at him and shock hit me. His lifeless face made a small smile, as I said it. I smiled as I cried more. I knew he's still dead, but how? I shook it away as I manage to say one more thing.

"Yes, I love you, big brother England".


End file.
